‘My sister-in-law starts to scream and raise voice to prove she is right’

Ahmedabad Others

‘My sister-in-law starts to scream and raise voice to prove she is right’

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Ahmedabad Others
‘My sister-in-law …
=> Illustration: siddhartha mukherjee
‘My sister-in-law starts to scream and raise voice to prove she is right’ =>
)

Illustration: siddhartha mukherjee

Ahmedabad Mirror

Jul 29, 2024 06:00 AM | UPDATED: Jul 29, 2024 02:42 AM | 11 min read

Dear Aunt Big Bon,
We are a family of nine people comprising my inlaws, their two sons, daughter-in-laws and three children. We stay in a joint family although it is by compulsion, not by choice. While my inlaws are calm and do not bother anyone in the family, my younger sister-in-law creates a lot of drama at home, every day after returning from office. She will either fight with the cook on some pretext or shout at the maid without being mindful of people around, be it the children or even neighbours and guests who come over. Nobody is able to intervene because anyone who does, has to face her wrath and unpleasant words. I find it difficult to understand why she behaves this way. She comes from a disturbed family, in the sense that her parents are separated, but creating havoc in the household everyday is unhealthy, especially for children. My son and daughter are very warm with her daughter but that is never taken into consideration. If she gets ticked off by something she talks rudely and loudly with me as well. She wants to prove her actions right. How do we handle her? It’s getting difficult to stay together. 
 -Aarti Shekhar
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Dear Aarti,
This is a very ghar-ghar-ki-kahaani kind of scenario. I know it is tough to tackle and deal with people who raise their voice at everyone, unmindful of the relation, context and need for it. It causes unpleasantness and sours the relationship. But since you have shared that it is a compulsion to stay together currently, I am assuming there is no moving out of this home for some time. Your inlaws may be calm but you will have to speak with your mother-in-law and together talk to your sister-in-law and address the issue. Perhaps she is loud and screams at others because none of you is saying or resisting it firmly. If you have already tried talking about it and explaining it to her with no change or outcome, you might need to tackle it differently, perhaps add some drama too around the time she returns home. Why don’t you too fault-find with the cook and maid? Pretend to be tired and in a don’t-mess-with-me mood. Make it a point to tell the children not to be loud or create unpleasantness or else you will get angry/not let them play. Ask your mother-in-law for tips on how to deal with a difficult colleague and voice her characteristics (these should be similar to your sister-in-law’s). Ensure you do all this smoothly while she is around. Who knows, she might get the point. May be she will realise that not everyone who sits quiet is helpless, weak or dumb. 

-Cheers and love, Aunt You Can Count On.

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